You are never too old to start getting fit either physically or spiritually. Someone at work was telling me that his grandmother wanted to stay in shape, so at the age of 60 she started walking five kilometers a day. She turns 97 this year, and they still have no idea know where she is! Hopefully, we will not get that far off track in our spiritual exercises!
This past year has been a stressful year for, no income right due to pending disability, uncertain answers for certain struggles, etc. And some of these little humorous interpretations of Life moments helped me to keep it all in perspective. Hopefully you will gain something from these as well.
A young husband felt that he was henpecked by his wife, so he was going to a psychiatrist about the problem. The doctor told him, "You do not have to let your wife bully you! Go home and show her you are the boss! The young man got home, slammed the door, shook his fist in his wife's face, and growled, "From now on, you are taking orders from ME! When I get home from work, I want my supper ON the table. I want my clothes laid out. I will be going out with the boys. You will be staying home. And another thing... Do you know who's going to tie my tie?"
And very calmly she said:... "Yes. The undertaker."
Plan your strategy according to God's plan: do not rely on the advice of the world to bring peace into your home. Ephesians 5:25 33 tells us; 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church 30 for we are members of his body. 31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32 This is a profound mysterybut I am talking about Christ and the church. 33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
10 points that you can learn from Noah:
1. Do not miss the boat. 2. Remember that we are all in the same boat. 3. Plan ahead. It was not raining when Noah built the Ark . 4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old someone may ask you to do something really big. 5. Do not listen to the world's critics, just get on with God's job that needs to be done. 6. Build your future on high ground, the higher ground that God leads us to. 7. Speed is not everything. The snails were on board with the cheetahs. 8. When you are stressed, float awhile. 9. Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by professionals. Never underestimate God's expertise. 10. No matter what the storm, when you are with God there is always a rainbow waiting.
A little boy was heard talking to himself as he walked across the backyard, baseball cap in place, ball and bat in his hands. "I am the greatest hitter in the world," he said. He threw the ball up, swung and missed. "Strike one," he said. But again, he told himself, "I am the greatest hitter ever." He threw the ball up again, swung and missed. He looked at the ball, and at the bat, and said, "I'm the greatest hitter that ever lived." He threw the ball up again and swung and missed a third time. This time he said, "Wow! Strike three! What a pitcher! I'm the greatest pitcher in the world!"
ALWAYS be willing and flexible enough to recognize, focus on, and appreciate the strengths that God has given you and reveals to you, even if that's not what you thought was your strength. Romans 12:38 says; 3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
I Corinthians 12:46 4 There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. 5 There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. 6 There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.
A man walked up to a vending machine, put in a coin, pressed the buttons labeled, "coffee, double cream, sugar." No cup appeared, but the nozzles went into action sending forth coffee, cream and sugar. After the proper amounts had gone down the drain, the machine turned off. "Now that's real automation," said the man. "This thing even drinks it for you." That is just how some people want their faith. They want to make a deposit, put in some money and let the rest be taken care of automatically. But, there is no such thing as automated prayers, devotion, or worship in song or service. Following Jesus requires personal discipline and effort.
James 2:1417 14What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? 15Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. 16If one of you says to him, "Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed," but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? 17In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.
One day a kindergarten teacher was helping one of her students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked down and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. But she managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on this time on the right feet. And it was only then that he announced, "These aren't my boots."
She bit her tongue rather than scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner had they got the boots off then he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em today."
Stifling a scream, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the illfitting boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"
To which he replied, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."
The article ends by saying something about Her trial starts next month.
I Corinthians 13:17 1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
o When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USAwith the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa, since most people there can't read, companies routinely put pictures on the label of what is inside.
o When CocaCola first shipped to China, they named the product something that when pronounced sounded like "CocaCola." The only problem was that the characters used meant "Bite the Wax Tadpole." They later changed to a set of characters that mean "Happiness In The Mouth."
o When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
o Coors put its slogan, "Turn It Loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
o The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. In Spanish, "No Va" means "It Does Not Go".
You see, we need to know who we're talking to, and make sure that we are communicating what we really intended. Poor communication can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings, for instance... this next story demonstrates just how far from the point we sometimes lead people simply by not being clear and by trying to "mask" or candy coat the hard truths.
A rather old fashioned woman and was planning a couple of weeks vacation in Florida. She was quite delicate and elegant with her language. She wrote a letter to a particular campground and asked for reservations. She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didn't know quite how to ask about the "toilet" facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom Commode," but when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again; rewrote the entire letter and referred to the Bathroom Commode" simply as the "B.C.". Does the campground have its own "B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't old fashioned at all and was a younger man, and when he got the letter, he couldn't figure out what the lady was talking about. That "B.C." really stumped him. After worrying about it for several days, he showed the letter to other campers, but they couldn't figure out what the lady meant either. The campground owner finally came to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church.
So he sat down and wrote the following reply: "Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure of informing in that the "B.C." is located nine miles north of the camp site and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along, and make a day of it..... They usually arrive early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats.....They plan to hold the supper in the middle of the B.C., so everyone can watch and talk about this great event.....I would like to say it pains me very much, not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely not for lack of desire on my part....As we grow older, it seems to be more and more of an effort, particularly in cold weather..... If you decide to come down to the campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go...sit with you...and introduce you to all the other folks..... This is really a very friendly community.....
Mark 16:1416 14Later Jesus appeared to the Eleven as they were eating; he rebuked them for their lack of faith and their stubborn refusal to believe those who had seen him after he had risen. 15He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.
There was a man who lived up in upstate New York and he was getting tired of the cold weather, so he decided to go to Florida. His wife was on a business trip at the time so he called her to let her know what he was doing and to tell her not to go back to New York but to meet him in Florida.
When he arrived he sent her an email to let her know he was there, but he got a few letters wrong in the address and instead of going to his wife the email went to an older woman in Iowa, who was a preacher's wife and whose husband had died the day before.
The elderly lady turned on her computer read the email, screamed and fainted right on the spot. Her family and friends who were there heard the fall and came in & saw her on the floor and when they read the screen they understood why she fainted...
Dearest darling just wanted you to know I arrived safely.
Looking forward to you being with me tomorrow.
Signed, your husband PS. It sure is hot down here! Don't be confused about where you're going, or where you are now...
Ephesians 2:8 & 9 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God 9 not by works, so that no one can boast.
Mark 16:15 & 16 says, 15 He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. 16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.
and James 5:1520 says, 15 And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. 16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. 17 Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. 18 Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops. 19 My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins.
God gave us an instruction manual and a map to get us to the end goal. All we have to do is dust it off and read it!
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